Saturday, April 9, 2016

Thank you!

It is very very very hard for me or I suspect most people to accept help for everything being done for them for any reason but imagine if you had to ask regularly due to having a debilitating chronic illness that effects your ability to do things for yourself and it could more than likely be forever after...not temporary!
The guilt that goes along with the need for the care can at times be overwhelming.
I started out ten years ago sporadically needing help with a few things, why even a month or two ago I was still cooking, making the bed, dusting and doing the laundry, but not anymore.
As the days of self sufficiency slowly have gotten less and less and now have seemed to all but diminished with my inability to walk from here to there and there to here and add to it the hazard of dropping things all too often; it is with great sadness that I must be waited on.
If I was a healthy wealthy spoiled socialite I would expect it, but alas I am not!
And the embarrassment of the having to ask is not all that easy and it makes me at times seem that I am sounding demanding to myself, needy way too needy.
We as we grow through our time here on this planet try hard to learn how to cope in life with births, deaths and so many other difficulties, but being a "burden" is not  one of those things to be to our loved ones is something we never ever want to be and somehow try to not think about it ever happening.
Spasms are more forthcoming in my ribcage like when rolling on my side to get comfy during the night while sleeping, or just before while writing this in my right hand and arm, upsetting.
How does one pace themselves when it seems like you have more stops than starts?
I do not know for sure but I do wonder if others with Multiple sclerosis have staccato hand movements like typing on this keyboard or pushing buttons on a phone?
Sort of like a tap tap tap, when you only mean to do a tap? Referring to tapping on the letters or numbers too many involuntarily come out.
That too is occurring more frequently.
Consistency in MS is something none of us strive for that is meaning being more symptomatic daily!
Distractions still work for my coping mechanism.
Games on the phone these days Spider Solitaire and now Dominoes once again; how I missed that!
And of course the TV, movies, and research online for bios and other questions I think of to keep me learning mind wise.
Hubby at times seems overworked by my needing him soooooooooooooooooooo much!
And that brings me back to my title so all I keep doing is saying to my soulmate for nearly fifty years is THANK YOU!
Love him too, and that is also chanted as much as I can, as often as I can!
Sorry I chose this topic to tell tonight, but to me it is important to document.
Perhaps others can relate since I have a strong feeling I am not the only one who feels this way!
Good night to all, be well and tell others too how you feel we all need to know that we are not alone...
PLEASE and thank you to all of you too!

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