Thursday, April 14, 2016

Bitterness

At times I have to admonish myself.
Why what, one might ask, I know I can't hear you, but still...
For falling backwards on things that have happened in the past and remembering things that were not always great, too many and they flow out into my thoughts too vividly, nearly tangibly.
I used to believe, but not as often as I used to, but even now that due to some of those "bad" instances that is why the almighty is punishing me these days with all this pain and diminished capacity and that I deserve it, Karma! How many times have we all heard that term? What comes around goes around.
Sure I know that is not necessarily how it works, and any supreme being that is in any organized religious beliefs is not the type to punish you; we all want to think that the he/she in that position is more forgiving than judgmental!
These feelings seem to surface whenever I feel bad and allow me to hit the bottom with negative thinking.
Most of us actually punish ourselves in the way we handle guilt for things beyond our control and when examined more closely.
No one can change the past we all know that is a given.

Eh!
Better move on from these vague depressing commentaries.
Perpetuating my own mental anguish again.
My father is the only person that I ever met who never had any regrets.
What a legacy to live up to, way too late for me though, as they say the deeds are done.
I have closed way too many doors.

Remember not to do that!

That is all for now.
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