That thing they say about in life, nothing that comes easy is worth anything?

I believe that was wrong, I'll take easy over anything. Today, I tried to acquire a denial letter so that I can move on and go for the pre-existing federal health insurance program. So I contacted Florida Blue and they walked me through the process of the application online up until filling out all the personal information. And it was abundantly clear they needed everything and I have a lot to tell, but I gave them an abbreviated edition. Which I feel is more than enough to deny me. The MS thingy and the thyroid thingy, and of course from my personal stats my obesity thingy; anyone will realize that’s enough for any health insurance to decide that I am a bad risk. They only want the healthiest and people that don't need medicine. They wanted $163 up front and all the information from our personal bank account before they will even consider you one way or another. I bet you all know what I did… I called them back and asked to speak to the manager, and of course I got her voice mail. That wonderful thing we use to weed out our phone calls. I'll most likely never hear back from her, let's just call her, Ms. S. because I left a detailed message with my name and phone number and oh yes, I did question their policy and their logic of it; bad Tobi. Where's Andrew Carnegie when you need him? Install a Big Smile here. As you can tell even if I did read his book… My use of it these days has been contrary to all the teachings. I don't know what gets in to me, if I was on a late 1960s TV show, I would use the excuse and say “the devil made me do it!” I did get a chance to speak to my neurologist’s nurse and we discussed all my possibilities from pain management to other doctors and the result is an appointment to see my neuro next month. You see, that was my decision to see her next month; the idea was that if she suggested anything like another type of Dr. I would be insured by then. So that is why I put the appointment off. Although, I still feel pretty stinko and who knows if I will have insurance by then? One can only hope. And that's why everything seems so hard these days… I feel really crappy and sleep deprived why does everything have to be like this in life? I guess I don't make things easy for myself when I look back on how this all started with my husband getting injured as a deputy and hanging in there an extra year so that I would continue to have insurance; harming himself more. Until, he realized he couldn’t be 100% and so he took his early-retirement and it took him a few months to get his disability and pension, but sadly I was now pre-existing and COBRA at that time wanted 1200 a month for their premiums. It might've well had been a million dollars, either way that was way beyond our means. We even contacted several insurance companies soon after that, and as soon as they heard those two little letters M and S, oh sure they were willing to write it up with a $300 deposit to put through the application and let us know, but sitting at our kitchen table they told us it would most definitely be denied. Talk about crazy, I couldn't get them out of here fast enough… Why do we get punished for getting sick? Heaven knows we don't ask for this, no one does. I know people who are dying from horrendous illnesses that have to fight for themselves, at a time when they need help the most people treat them so harshly… Some have even said that you should have prepared better? For what; having a chronic illness without health insurance? Sure we saw that coming! Being sleep deprived is no fun… and emotionally not the best way to handle things. Not that I'm making excuses, but that does sound like a pretty good one, hmm? All kidding aside today was a hard day since I didn't accomplish a thing to change what I need changed, frustrating. Hubby was kind enough to eat leftovers for dinner and I scrounged for something after I halted filling out the application that took way too long. Of course I stopped it and hubby offered to finish it off and then realized their information that they requested was way too personal; that is our bank account and routing numbers etc. etc. etc. and so he stopped too. They do have in the margin where click on it to rest and come back in the future and so we chose that option and called the toll-free number and all my personal havoc ensued. Do we really think Ms. S. will call me back? I like to think of myself as a dreamer, but nah, this calls for realism and I say nay to that! Although, anything is possible…no, I cannot believe that nothing in my last several years has been easy and perhaps that explains why I have lost my cool too much. That's not to say that I have ever had it easy, who has? On that commonality in all humanity or maybe that should be human kind, allow me to be the first to wish you a very happy good night and ask you kindly count all your blessings and share all your overages and we will too! And next time please be here or be square, ya hear?