Body types...

As bodies go I think I have worn nearly all the different configurations that can be available for description-wise.
When very young a miniature ballet form I could claim as my own, as a young teen I do admit to having a pear shape and I as I grew older an adult ballet body (but many thought at times I looked anorexic hovering a few times at only ninety pounds soaking wet), which remained for most of my adult years when not expecting my sons, but little me would come back within six weeks of their delivery.
When I got into my thirties with my father begging me to quit smoking after my mom passed away I became a chunky monkey type, and then started walking after the true affect did make me realize I had to do something, race walking and the ballet gal came back! And on and on it would go ala yoyo due to my trying back and forth to quit smoking over the years and gaining and then loosing, not unlike a paler version of Oprah. Boy did I just compare myself to that icon? Sorry, but it was just the yoyo weight loss and gain thingy not anything else believe me, one could only hope, huh?
But during these last several years, and I would say yes it’s been nearly five now that I am what many call a plump tomato shape, an understatement, since in reality I am obese and I have never ever been in this nasty body ever before, which is on temporary loan I keep telling myself!
Since as you all know I am trying my darndest to change that with my self imposed exercise program.
And this week I did discover it appears to be working with my size going down a wee bit, hooray!

It always gets me, the reactions people get by first impressions, when I was young and slim and attractive, and smiles were abundant from every place I would go.
Back and forth the attitudes in public would change with my size and what I would hear in my head thinking of those tisk, tisk staring with disapproving shaking heads of shame by store clerks who would do it when you would shop in their locales if you did not meet their specifications of their ideas of the better dressed woman’s look. And the exact opposite would happen when you did! They would fall all over themselves to help you!

Is it racist to say that most women of color seem to not have those same feelings about other women’s bodies? They are comfortable in their own at any size and accept you for who you are too, body-type-wise! Or perhaps that would be an overstatement, since many wealthier women of color are not unlike my Caucasian counterparts. The tisk, tisk group seems to be my own race of women who have that sad desire to change you or to criticize you.
Let’s get one thing straight I do not believe or ever have believed that obesity is healthy!
And we all know that it is not.
But with that said and no one would deny that we are all works in progress, and to assume that anyone was happy with their enormous form would also be bad judgment on the community at large parts too!

We as people on this planet are only human with human frailties and again this last time I did quit smoking as you all know, nearly five years ago due to my TIA on my MRI that showed it and my MS, twofer. And that was my realization I had to stop, since my mom, dad and brother all died of strokes, huge wake up-call, true?
And so I did quit on 7-11-2006, how proud I am of that!
But little did I realize that I would be trading smoking skinny me for non-smoking fat me?
Now I can die from this too… how odd and VERY IRONIC!

I did first try two commercial weight loss programs, LA Weightloss and Results spending a few thousand dollars; one when Hubby was still working and the other when he had retired, neither worked since we determined that my medications were the cause and countering of this problem getting worse. And since my numbness and ataxia due to the MS are both the cause of my inabilities it took me this long to figure out how to exercise with those problems. When I did try to walk about three years ago with my cane, but hurt my shoulders since I had to move it back and forth from hand to hand for balance and after my rotator cuffs were damaged and of course my Osteoarthritis of my hips could no longer take the weight gain either. It appeared that I was heading towards possible hip replacement surgeries due to pain being so unbearable at night that I couldn’t sleep and couldn’t take pain meds due to my tummy problems!

Sorry for the recap, I do know most of you all know if you have been reading any of this with regularity.
And so this old Yoga mat, with my five pound old free weights workout is my solution and hopefully my resolve to this horribly destroyed body of mine.
Having to deal with being half legally blind or I should say more like half legally left-eye sighted, if I would like to start to think that way… glass half full, not half empty mindset, OK, brainwashing in progress here.

In conclusion to this way too much information dissertation; I would like say that I am an observer of human nature and I feel I am also on a mission to be a better listener too, since one never knows does one when hearing may be one of those senses that we should all implore, oh dear I meant explore and restore to a more likeable persona of mine…Ms. Big Mouth here, who appears regularly to prefer to hear her own voice instead of the many she misses the points of sadly…

On that note of trying to improve and adjusting to the way things really are… let me be the first to wish you all to have a very happy good night and to count those blessings and to kindly share those overages and we will too!

And next time please be here or be square, ya hear?


PS Hope you all had a great St. Patrick's Day we even made corned beef and cabbage for dinner, delish!