Day of reckoning has arrived...

Diagnosis is bad, really bad our little fellow Casey does have cancer, squamous cell carcinoma of the mouth, and his prognosis is no hope of recovery, damn!

I have been doing too much crying most of the day. The phone call came in around 10:20 A.M. with the horrid biopsy results. I have been numb with grief.

Hubby went back down to the vet’s office to pick up some more pain medication, but we were told not to give it unless he seems to be in pain. But he can’t talk; how will we know? When his knee went out he howled in pain but even before the doctor visit this time he never complained with this non recovery disease.

Hope had not been lost till then since he was still eating very much and rubbing against me to tell me when he needed more; so sad, he’s so sweet and lovable, always has been.

He is sleeping now as most cats do, on and off all day.
Tuesday, we will be going back to the vet she has decided to try some more steroids, but truthfully we all know that it is only to please the people in Casey’s life and it is not a treatment or cure for this sort of cancer.

While in the doldrums I received a phone call from the American Cancer Society (for people) ironically; they are still searching for a low cost mammography program for me, but let me know that they are working on it. I did, after that literal wake up call remember the phone numbers the woman from Susan G. Komen had emailed to me, and so I called the familiar one. The woman there said that I would qualify, even financially for the dollarsformammography.org and I went there right away online, since I was excited I finally qualified for a program! So at the site it has an application to open, a PDF. File, well, since our computer crashed and was restored our PDF program apparently went with it, and so I went to Microsoft to download their free one, and it hasn’t worked yet, and I can’t figure out why. So now what? I’m screwed, how did I get such bad Karma? I’m a good person; at least I do try to be. I will say it to myself as a mantra; the previous statement.

That dilemma just intensified my concerns over Casey and made me more miserable with self pity and anger with that overindulgent why me attitude.

Tomorrow doesn’t look to be any different since none of this is going away soon.
Remember when I discussed that I am weak in the coping mechanism department?
This is when it all falls in.
I cancelled my eye doctor appointment too, it was scheduled for 11:00 A.M., and somehow my cataracts didn’t seem too important anymore.

Good night to all and to all, take care, be safe and count those blessings and I will continue to search for mine.