Is this my reality?

It occurred to me today that I am slowly losing real relationships with actual people;I don't know if it is this opinionated forum that is causing it or just the fact that illness is causing them to drop like flies.
Either way I need to do something to change things.
I must reignite my passions by becoming involved with things that used to spur my conscience and my abilities to be a fulfilling person in society.
So as of tomorrow, today it’s a little late to start tonight, so tomorrow I will try and list my interests now at this point in my life, and get involved in some tangible way; ta da!

Where there is a will there is a way.
We as humans have the ability to follow our desires.
Knowing ones self is extremely important.
I have recently realized that my dream of becoming some type of famous author is probably just a pipedream, yeah you say; it’s about time!
All successful writers, on the surface appear to have degrees in journalism or some other news worthy background, and mine is skimpy to say the least.
I did take journalism in college, but as a course, not a major.
And my writings although prolific are not desired by the publishers that they have been sent to… Although, at one time there was one who wanted to publish my mystery series, but due to a so-called friends helpful caution and too many questions asked they changed their mind; and to this day I regret the way I handle them since they are a legit publisher.
Oh well… what happens is meant to happen so they say; but who are they?

Life goes on and my somewhat prolific writing is interesting to me but who knows if to anyone else as this continues as monologues of my life's thoughts and experiences.

I do think that as a diary for my sons it may be somewhat of a family project that will leave my thoughts and feelings and general experiences for my legacy to my grandchildren. And for that if nothing else makes my reasoning to continue not so obscure. Boring to the world, but who knows what another generation may think.
It is very interesting that I think so often of grandchildren that seem not to be in the near future or if ever.
I suppose most of my baby boomer generation does too think of the children of their children often.
In my mind I should have done something different since whatever I did do it did not work to create that next set of beings to be loved fawned over, spoiled and sent home to their parents, our children.
Short changed, screwed, did something wrong all comes to mind jealously run amuck when I hear of others with that joy and legacy?

Maybe I wouldn’t be in such a gosh darn hurry if it wasn’t for my health issues.
I never know from one day to another how I will feel or if I will be able to enjoy those little offspring of my offspring.
I hope I will; it could be a long wait.
The only solace I have is that I am not alone… quite a few people I know are not grandparents either.
Good night to all and to all hug those little ones of your little ones, a little tighter for me too.