Being a quitter is not comforting...

Being belittled in front of others is also not a very nice feeling either?
Today, I made a decision that is not at all what I would have hoped for.
The trainer that I have been kind to in writing about in this blog due to me telling a few white lies about her persona which was in retrospect very hard to do…
Do you know what a bully in business is?
A person who treats you in front of others as if you know nothing and corrects you when you don’t even make a mistake and doesn’t admit that they were the one who made the mistake and takes credit for what you do when you took the initiative to do it yourself.
Those are just a few of the things that I was foolishly putting up with while trying to become someone to help others.
She is the manager of the program and blatantly took credit for things that I did when she knew that I had done them.
Like when I went through the books at the front desk to access more needy patients she told the group that she had found me four people, when she found me none!
I found them in the book.
Today, she found me one and while I spoke to him on the phone she stood behind me and interrupted everything I was saying to him and I was going by the sheet that was written in format form on what to say and surprise, I can read lady!
I was so upset that everything that I said or did annoyed her, she told me that and I let her know that she was the reason I was not my confident self in front of the patient and consequently it made me act nervous (the patient commented, saying don’t be nervous, but I had the good sense not to say it was my trainer doing it to me, I am never nervous with people I am working with! I suppose that was the problem she treated me like I was her own private whipping post.), with all her interruptions and correcting me even when I did it right. The form online it is self-explanatory as well as all the other forms and so if she would have actually allowed me to do what the forms said; I would have been fine!

Listen, I trained people in business situations where my trainees said I was a dynamo and they loved me and did a great job to please me, not that they should have done it for me but for themselves and the company.
My sales people were always in the top five and this was with an international business!
I never ever made people feel that they were incapable; if anything I made them realize how capable they were and due to a positive attitude we all did well!
That’s how people learn to do things with ‘hands on’, fine that is what we were supposed to be doing, but you don’t embarrass anyone, you take them aside and explain, not in front of the customer or in this case the patient and you don’t make the newbie look like an idiot!
She also would take the patient aside out the door and whisper to them and say heaven knows what, not very professional at all in my opinion.
I finished with the first person in less than an hour and my next patient wasn’t due for an hour and so I thought that I could call some more people for scheduling, but the woman was no where to be found.
And so I asked some other people some questions and she said once I located her that I should only speak to her and that she is the only one that I am to talk to.
Come on, I’m a volunteer and so is she what the heck was she pulling?
Sadly, I did love the entire idea of the job and felt that if given the chance I would have been terrific! Sorry for her I am…
She lost a potentially great volunteer!
I am very sad.

Not only about that but last night physically was horrendous more pain and more stiffness and spasms and I awoke at four A.M. and then realized it was too early so I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn’t and got up for the day at four thirty A.M.
And so I called my neuro this morning and when I was ‘at work’ the nurse called the house and said that she could not speak to my husband, that’s crazy! I will have to straighten that out tomorrow...So she called my cell phone number and left a voice mail that I got when I was waiting for Hubby to pick me up. The doctor upped my dosage of the gabapentin to three times a day from 2X, for 300 mg each time. Still lower than many who take it, at least I do know that I have wiggle room if this dose doesn’t workout to increase it some more.
I hope I finally have some benefits from it, it has not worked yet.

And perhaps that is why, I am better off becoming a recluse and staying in and doing this and some other mundane tasks…kidding I am not foiled, yet!

I did call the woman in-charge of the whole shebang and left a message for her to call me, just mentioning a conflict and that perhaps that I could work in another area of the clinic, who knows… if she will call me… probably not, since they seem to be a tight group.
It’s like the good ole girls group.
I only wanted to really help people who were going through something that I have had to go through myself.
My kinship with them was true and that again makes me very, very, sad…

Oh well, tears are starting to mount and I must close, I was so hopeful… that this could be me giving back… but the stress of the situation put me into spasms right in the waiting room while waiting for Hubby to pick me up…darn it was way too hot to sit on my walker outside, and he has been taking my cooling vest back and forth for me and he had it then…
Regrets, not for anything I did, I think I took being abused for little longer than most would.

On that venting of my reality when my best plans seem to go awry…allow me to be the first to wish you all a very happy good night and ask you kindly to count all your blessings and share all those overages and we will too!

And next time please be here or be square, ya hear?