Friday, February 24, 2017

DEAD!

Last night I learned a very important lesson and what was that, some might ask?
Well, I really can't hear you, but for argument's sake let's say that I can and so I will tell you what I think... but gently!

Entitling a blog, "Nothing!" seems to have gotten my anybody's out there who reads this drivel nightly figuring that is just what they would get if they decided to venture past the title, hmm?
And so as a result I gained very few people who actually read it... just a miniscule 17, for the average lately has been much, much greater than that, mid to upper double digits and in some cases triples...digits! Oh folks so now I have sort of learned a lesson, although, tonight's title might be a bit more provocative in what one might assume from its meaning, ya think?

Let's go there, now the possibility as gruesome as that might be is that the author of this blog has met her maker, or the candlestick maker or perhaps a baker, ha?  Nah, for I am she.
A sick try at regaining your attention after last night's horrendous backfire?
Could be...

But in actuality it is an attempt to say that days have happened to me where I have felt so badly that I felt "dead" inside.
And these last two, if the truth be told is how I have met that criteria of depths of the darkest one can go...
Not happy with my life or who I am or even my accomplishments and sadness about my health, a bit helpless, no a lot, and yes, I suppose being depressed comes with the territory.
And no, again we did not go to exercise today either, which I am more than sure it would help with those feelings.

Sadness has overwhelmed me when I feel this hopeless, and dare I say I wonder why I am still here.
Instead of counting my blessings like I suggest all of you do nightly I count my mistakes and how many people I have lost, meaning they have passed away or I have discontinued relationships for one reason or another, many mutual reasoning's, although one is definitely one sided with our younger son....his not ours, also not having any grand babies like most of my friends that gives them all a reason to go on...!
Terribly sad and miserable.

This funk has gotta go!

I am usually fairly resilient.

But now I am all alone on this trip.

Hope I don't go over the edge...!

No, I won't.