Thursday, February 9, 2012

Old friends sometimes open old wounds?

Well, it goes like this for the last several days I have been talking back forth via email to my old school chum.
And our lives have evolved somewhat differently; she was widowed and lost her sister all within a few years from each other; her father passed away years ago; but thankfully she still has the love of her Mom who is now living with her. Her relationship with her niece and her great nieces appears to be an on again off again one and not something she cares for what’s-so-ever…. Who would, not me?
And for all that I am extremely sorry for her, but as we all know I have not had a pleasant life either…
My parents died while I was still in my thirties, not too young but young enough for my sons to miss having any grandparents for as long as they should have rightfully deserved and me the right to complain now of their burden to me! Our youngest one who is estranged from us since then was at the center of hers and my relationship ending all those years ago, nearly eight!
And so why bother trying to be friends again when so much tension/strain shows from our past and bad memories?
I think it might be that she had been my BFF, Best Friend Forever, as the kids say today, and even her husband when he was still well and thriving and we had a previous falling out, said that we would get back together since we were more like sisters than friends…and hers is gone and my little sister, my niece, who was only five years younger than me is gone too both of them died of cancer… she stood along side this old pal of mine as a bridesmaid at our wedding, I only had three, and the last one was my sister-in-law and you all know what happened to her, hmm?
And so I thought that we could help each other with all this horrendous commonalities… although she has faired much better than I, health wise for herself, but her ninety-one year old Mom is loosing her sight from Macular Degeneration an is very anemic too, sadly. But manages to read the paper with some magnifying help I am more than sure and also can climb a spiral staircase to her room that she refuses to give up due to her independent attitude, and I say more power to her. You see, the master bedroom is on the main floor and even though this old friend of mine wanted to trade, her Mom has held ground since she is lucky enough to still have all her faculties; which does show that strength is inherited, for this I am sure.
And my Mom did not deal with adversity very well and that explains me… I at first crumble but through time and no other recourse I rise from my own self inflicted ashes not unlike the Phoenix; I rise again to survive!
Halleluiah!
LOL!
Kidding, not about the surviving part, but that felt good, about the Phoenix metaphor, nah that was very creative, I liked it and I will keep it in, and it really does describe me, hmm?
I do often crash and burn, but I am still here!

This is being written since I mentioned that our schedule is not that regular, that is being retired (bums), while she went back to work, part-time, after a long hiatus when married, although she did help him when needed, since he was an attorney and she was a legal secretary, and so was my Mom, by the way.
That was about seven years ago if I recall that she reentered the work force.
And so she has to organize and accomplish things, especially with her Mom and all, but we do things as they come at us, see very different.
The fact that Hubby does things that I can no longer do and I slow him up on errands runs due to needing my mobility scooter, that is quite compact and is not on the back of our vehicle but has to be put together each and every time…
And since I blatantly told her all that, she has not written back, oh wait, no she sent me a forward about, ‘Baby Boomers’, which told me that she is not getting me at all!
Multiple Sclerosis is not a hip replacement that fixes arthritis or even arthritis it is neurological and affects many people entirely differently! My eyesight is part of mine and my numbness in all major portions of my body as well as my balance from the Ataxia, and the spasms from what it is all doing to my CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM, not my bones that can be fixed, not always but quite often, since I have seven types of arthritis too and worked for the foundation!
And so although I exist and thrive, in my own way… I do not have blinders on or any denial of what reminds me daily by just trying to get out of bed, and sometimes it is more difficult than others! And I am not talking about my way of thinking I am talking on the ability to get out of the bed physically!
Sorry friend, I suppose I expect too much from people… but really just to understand, although I am not terminal; I am very well challenged daily!

That’s all… and now we all know why I have no one visiting me the shut in who cannot even use her swimming pool since anything above eighty degrees means I need to wear my cooling vest and if I don’t I end up on IV Steroids that cause me to be temporarily Diabetic and needing insulin, so sorry dear old friend that I am not that sick to be cared about for many, just an annoyance…it seems… since many have stopped calling. Since my ability to help them is no longer viable for them! PS I quit smoking on 7-11-06, due to my MRI’s showing TIA’s, mini strokes, and Mom and Dad and even my brother died of strokes…! And Hubby smokes his cigars outside for me.
I AM UPSET!
Or she did have errands to do and maybe got too busy or maybe…NEVERMIND!

On the brighter side I called the hospital to see if I could take my aspirin again and they said long as my incision is okay, by now that I could and I asked about a glass of wine and they said fine to that too! In fact the lovely Shauna who also helped yesterday said have one for her too!
And so I will… PS no results yet…but they were sent to my doctor’s office too and it appears that I will know by tomorrow? She was not allowed to divulge.

On that possible reason to celebrate, allow me to be the first to wish you all a very happy good night and ask you to kindly to count all your blessings and share those overages and we will too!

And next time please be here or be square, ya hear!
PS UPDATE THIS JUST IN RESULTS OF MY BIOPSY, BEST NEWS EVER, NO CANCER, THE DOCTOR JUST CALLED! HOORAY! Now here's an idea that needs your help, is there any way to avoid these false positive mammograms causing these unnecessary biopsies? I've had four.

Speaking My Mind: Which way will the war go?

Speaking My Mind: Which way will the war go? :   My eyesight is going again... in case you missed it... Netanyahu snaps back against growing...