Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Depressing, frustrating and not able to do a thing to expedite the process...

It’s not like I haven’t been here before.
Unfortunately, this all seems way too familiar.
Not being in control of a situation.
I am pretty sure that many of you out there have had similar experiences.
Being a type ‘A’ personality has been difficult these last few years without much ability to change things as swiftly as I care to or have done in my past by myself for myself.
Sure, I am not any different than most people who need and want to be in charge of things, whether it be in a business situation or their own lives…Trouble begins when you find out that that is NOT going to happen, anymore…

Depending on others for what you need is the hardest for those of us who pretty much felt that we could depend on ourselves nearly always.
That is not to say that in my recent years of total upheaval of my lifestyle that I have not adjusted to my fate, oh that’s not true, I am still assimilating and not doing it well at all…
Being, so-called physically challenged with my difficulty in walking and seeing and not able to leave our compound at the drop of a hat without asking for assistance or having to have a planned destination in mind is somewhat limiting… Almost as if I am under house arrest, hmm?
But no, no electric leg warmers/warners here, unless you count my parathesia and ataxia or spasms or half blindness…
Yes, they are just the short form of my malady listing, or laundry listing as I have often called my ills…ha!

Not so funny you with hearts say, hmm, sure I do know that too, why I live it everyday, and there’s the rub…I AM LIVING, but to what avail?
Quality of life is an issue, if I were an elderly dog I would perhaps be put down, hmm?

Ice packs are not that uncommon these nights since my cervical stenosis appears to be causing lumps in my neck that act up while trying to sleep! I need to remove that soft collar while sleeping.
Shoulders feel that I cannot get comfortable and create pain from side to side as I roll to find a significant comfy spot, but no luck with that.
Burning sensations throughout my chest area, front to back, from either my Fibromyalgia or something more insidious seems to be there when I really don’t need anything more…
My left eye has followed suit with seeing floaters and the occasional flasher, not unlike righty who is legally blind and now with a vitreous hemorrhage, thankfully I see, interesting choice of word, the eye doc tomorrow!
Headaches constant and are caused by more than likely everything!
Oh joy, what am I doing, hmm?
I will tell you, FESSING UP!
Or as it is known more universally as TELLING THE TRUTH!
And not at all a happy camper!

My loss of control of my fate has mostly recently become my singular mindset and stems from the people who have my Stereotactic needle biopsy in their control and have not gotten back to me still…
I did call the initiator of my case and she said that they are very busy and will be getting back to me very soon!
Okay…but waiting is not in my DNA.
I am not any good at it, never was and will never be at this point I am very sure…Sadly, though, at this point in my life, with my over dependence and need of others help I have no choices anymore than to sit and wait…do I?

Boy, what a Pitiful Pearl am I?
Nah, in spite of this mess… I still have hope in my heart… what else have we got?
‘Cause I’ve got ‘HIGH HOPES”, and you can too just copy and paste this site!
http://www.metrolyrics.com/high-hopes-lyrics-frank-sinatra.html# Sing it loud and sing it proud!

On that happier, at least I am trying a tiny bit to try… allow me to wish you all a very happy good night and to ask you to kindly to count all your blessings and share all those overages and we will too!

And next time please be here or be square, ya hear?

PS and yes, I am always tired…what’s with that?

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