Friday, December 16, 2011

How Lovely to Be a Woman

From Bye Bye Birdie: Thanks to: http://www.allmusicals.com/lyrics/byebyebirdie/howlovelytobeawoman.htm

”Kim:
When you're a skinny child of fourteen,
Wired with braces from ear to ear,
You doubt that you could ever be appealing...

The hallelujah! You are fifteen,
And the braces disappear,
And your skin is smooth and clear,
And you have that happy, grown-up, female feeling!

How lovely to be a woman,
The wait was well worthwhile,
How lovely to wear mascara,
And smile a woman's smile.

How lovely to have a figure
That's round instead of flat,
Whenever you hear boys whistle,
You're what they're whistling at!

It's wonderful to feel
The way a woman feels,
It gives you such a glow,
Just to know,
You're wearing lipstick and heels.

How lovely to be a woman,
And have one job to do:
To pick out a boy and train him,
And then when you are through,
You've made him the man you want him to be...
Life's lovely when you're a woman ike me!

How wonderful to know
The things a woman knows!
How marvelous to wait
For a date
In simply beautiful clothes!

How lovely to be a woman,
And change from boys to men,
And go to a fancy night club,
And stay out after ten!
How lovely to be so grown-up and free!
Life's lovely when you're a woman like me!”

Ah… memories… I was in the OFF OFF Broadway production, in Ridgewood New Jersey with the Thunderbird Teen Corporation of ‘Bye Bye Birdie’, when I was just fifteen I was part of the chorus of singers and dancers.
Little did I realize how prophetic that song would be.
Being a gal at any age has its pluses and minuses, and any woman worth her salt would be the first to tell you if you were willing to listen.
Let’s say it as it is…
Women who start out as babies and then little girls around eleven through sixteen have that joy of becoming, ‘a woman’, Argh…if truth be told and with that joy comes what we euphemistically call the, ‘time of the month’ and each and every month until we get old enough or have surgical intervention sooner, but then another thing happens to cause us to go temporarily insane!
Oh joy, first the becoming a woman thingy and then the PMS thingy that creates for many of us a witch-like persona for a couple a days a month due to hormones, monthly!
Then we have after years of this joyous monthly interference with somewhat normal growth of maturity to have some nine months off as often as we care to carry another human being in a place where the sun doesn’t shine for nine whole months but also tortuous laughing crying yelling emotions gone wild bouts!
But that’s fine because at least then we get a prize at the end…a child!
Who may be quiet and sleep or cranky with colic and make it so you don’t sleep, but as we all love to say well worth all of it!
Oh joy, then around those little darlings becoming teenagers themselves we gals start changing, which in many a case can take years, a slow painful process that creates more witchy behavior for more years due, now we hear that it is our hormones are not doing what they should be and we need more, perimenopausal aha! Is it anyone but me who sees why that may be a questionable act, and perhaps making worse the whole darn thing!
Yep, those hormones have been at the root of all those years of ups and downs of emotions that some men folks may even call you a ‘Crazy Stitch’, nah the word that rhymes with that!
On and on we go into the finale of this roller coaster ride or so we hope, called MENOPAUSE, no hormones now or so we are told but again they say take ‘em, but no men are involved with this, then why is it named for them since none of them will get near you or want to be with you any which way they cannot!
Bear in mind that I am now supposedly on the final stretch of this leg of life the last quarter, and so I hope… and now with all these ischemias showing up on my MRI’s meaning that they are mini strokes… that makes you a little bit CRAZY:
“Mini strokes create exactly the same circumstances like a major stroke. Strokes can cause changes in personality some people and the same is also true for a mini stroke. When people suffer from a mini stroke or a regular stroke, they can start behaving very differently. Most of them appear confused. Some people tend to get jittery and short tempered and even impatient after a stroke. The change in personality may be attributed mainly to the emotional distress the stroke could have brought upon and thus resulting in emotional problems. Many people often wonder what happened to their grandfather or their grandmother soon after the stroke. The personality change has always been discussed as an aftermath of unfavorable conditions during stroke.”

All I can say is oh joy, and so all of this as you can well see, this is my very well thought out disclaimer to the life that I have lived and why it has been the crazy ride that I thought was my entire fault!
Hooray!
Realistic excuses to all these things that I have got to stop blaming myself for and let it all go…!

Now if you will allow this crazy stitch witch to wish you all a very happy good night, oh heck ‘THE BITCH’ here (still a cringe factor, sorry but true, even though they say it on TV now); kindly count all your blessings and share those overages and we will too!

And next time, please be here or be square, ya hear?

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