Sunday, December 11, 2011

Don't hold your breath...let me hold mine...

Many things in life make you hope that the possibilities are infinite.
Have you ever been encouraged by someone who you truly believe to be a person who had the ability to change your life in a way that you had been hoping for, for years?
My anticipated and optimistic belief is that something wonderful could happen any day now.
Trust and conviction of this semi-miraculous occurrence can only be explained by my daughter-in-law, of my estranged younger son's wife responding to the message I sent to her on her Facebook message section!
She even gave me her personal email address and asked me to write back to her!
And so trying to contain my overly enthusiastic response Hubby has helped me with my restrains in dealing appropriately with my writing back, by editing what I did write and have sent on behalf of both of us as a united front.
I think that I took the right route by just letting her know how happy I was to hear from her and that I would like her to let our son know how we love and miss him!
And welcomed her into the family and asked her to tell us about herself with anything she feels we should or could know.
I requested photos.
And perhaps an update on how they both are and how they met and anything else that she cared to tell us and gosh I suppose I did gush a bit…

My heart beats faster just thinking that this could be the break that I have been hoping for!
Persistence and perseverance can be borderline annoying or even dare I say be called harassment?
But I did pull back in my severe desire to regain a relationship with our younger son, which has been so difficult… any mothers out there know what I am talking about.
I am tearing up as I write this.
The hope is for this to be a new beginning and pray that anything that caused our relationship to derail to be in the past… To be truthful to this day I cannot understand or recall anything that caused this!
But if I ask that may prevent us from going forward and so I will try my darndest not to!
Geez, who said real life is stranger than a soap opera knew from what they speak, ha!

Foreseeably this could be a double edge sword, I must be cautious on how I proceed, sadly I will feel like I am walking on eggshells.
“The idiom ‘walking on eggshells’ generally describes a situation in which people must tread lightly around a sensitive topic, or make every effort not to offend a volatile or hypersensitive person. Literally walking on eggshells would require exceptional caution and self-control, similar to the feeling of avoiding conflict with an easily disturbed friend, relative or employer. Family members of active alcoholics or rageaholics often describe their careful avoidance of conflict as "walking on eggshells."” Thanks to WiseGeek.com!
That is not to say that either of my children (younger son and new daughter-in-law) have any of those described above disorders or problems, or I don’t believe that they do; but sincerely I am in fear of screwing this up, that’s all!
We all know how I have been known to say things that seem to anger some people when I don’t seem to realize why…cognitive flaw, old age or broken filter all past excuses that I have blamed for my inflammatory spewings!
Well, what it all boils down to is being careful with my words, since I truly believe all though I would love to hug my son and tell him in person how much I love him... I think that we should all take it slow.
DARN! I am tearing up again…but no, we can never go back to when they were small and cuddly and to them were their world of information and knew all the right things to do or say… and story read to them, or a game played or a vacation for fun and learning are still fond memories, but not of this day…
On that…gosh I don’t know what, heart opening of a very possible happy ending/beginning; allow me to be the first to wish you all a very happy good night and ask you to kindly count all your blessings and share those overages and we will too!
And next time please be here or be square, ya hear?

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