Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Awaken to reality, no way to escape what's, what...

Had an unexpected email from someone that I had not heard from in quite some time, it was my old chum who used to be my bestie for forty-one years until our falling out back in June of ’04. She is still a northerner and lives in the north western territory of good ole NJ in the woods on ten acres with waterfalls and ponds etc. in a beautiful cedar contemporary with spiral staircase et all. The message was brief but telling it all…

“I just wanted you to know that I don't go on those social network sights, only Facebook for the Clerk's Assn. I belong to. I wasn't ignoring you. (I had invited her to join)

I had alot of property next to the stream wash away after Irene, one small bridge was damaged but the house and the big bridge held up fine. Some people in town weren't so lucky.

How are things by you?”

What should one say to that?
Well, you all know me…
I wrote back a short essay, well not really short more like a novella which was not at all brief relaying my understanding what she went through since I had been there not long ago myself, blah, blah, blah and of course I took her question about how are things as an opening to answer specifically everything that has happened since I last heard from her, not seven years ago since we have been in touch this year in fact only a few months ago I believe…

And ended with letting her know our thoughts are with her and her family.
But I did something bad… I let her know that after our horrendous experience with Hurricane Charley in 2004 that our cousins and our one son, number one and his then girlfriend and her friends and another friend of mine helped after we were devastated with the downed trees and house pieces cleanup. And that number two son never ever called and that Hubby’s sister just called to see if we were alive and then hung up, but no other NJ friends or relatives called to check on us, hmm…not totally true, a few did that we still hear from to this day, but I meant you know who… (Her) and then I told her that I had been wondering how they had faired and was honestly happy that it was not worse for them, but I felt it was none of my business to ask. AHAH bad me! Conflicting messages, hmm? The devil made me do it!

You see from the age of thirteen we had been through dating, weddings, births, deaths, sicknesses you name it and this was one of those times that should have been of concern by each of us, and so I foolishly waited to hear from her, while monitoring the news and hoping that she and her family were OK. It’s just as bad with Hubby’s Mom since his sister won’t talk to us and his Mom is unable due to her severe dementia… they live in Bucks County Pennsylvania but again the news is upfront and our only way of knowing what’s what…

To be honest it is good to know when someone is OK, but I felt so hurt that long ago time by two of the people I held in so much high regard that it cut through me like a knife with their seemingly lack of concern, our younger estranged son who she sided with when we had that falling out that caused all that heartache back then and still now… with our son not interested in changing any of this… we keep trying and selfishly that is one of the reasons I was hopeful to renew our friendship, since to my jealously they have continued to communicate, her with our estranged son!
It tears my heart out.
Sorry!

It’s in me to want to forgive them and I have in my heart, but who can ever forget that type of hurt?

On that not so positive note, of do as I say not as I do allow me to be the first to wish you a very happy good night and to ask you kindly to count all your blessings and to ask you to kindly to share those overages and we will too!

And next time please be here or be square, ya hear?

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