Monday, December 13, 2010

Taboo

Conventional wisdom is to keep private things that you are concerned with becoming a problem when exposed private, correct?
Most of us have a few things in our lives which we know may not be ordinary and could even be considered controversial.

Lately many celebrities have come around and out about the fact that they had suffered a miscarriage or even a few.
Sadly this topic had been considered taboo for way too long.
Lisa Ling: copy and paste her site below: http://www.dosomething.org/blog/celebsgonegood/lisa-ling-provides-forum-women has started a web page for women who have these so-called sensitive secrets that seem to have touched many but that we as a gender have been told not to discuss in public.

Honestly it took me a few days to come to my own personal conclusion to bring up this particular topic which happened so long ago and at the time I felt was swept under the rug as if I did something wrong, which I did not.

I had three miscarriages in total, one two years after my first son was born in 1974, he was born in 1972 and I was at four and half months and told by the doctor at the time that it was a mal formed fetus since I was hemorrhaging profusely and that I needed surgery to complete what was happening and it was G-d’s way of taking care of these things. By my third pregnancy in my third month in 1975 I began cramping and the doctor put me in the hospital under bed rest and on Provera, a drug at the time for preventing early delivery, and our second son was born perfect at full term, six months later in 1976.
It was when he was a teenager that I attained a Physicians’ Desk Reference book and found out how dangerous Provera was and could have caused deformities not unlike Thalidomide used in forties and fifties for the same purpose, I suppose we’re extremely fortunate!

I had two more miscarriages after my younger son(1976) was born, one in 1979 only at six weeks but placenta was caught in my uterus and so surgery again was done, and the third was another four and half month one in 1981, and not once was I told what was the gender of the children that I had lost and no one instructed me that I could have asked, I had no guidance what-so-ever. I was so naïve and under the circumstances it was not discussed.

Five pregnancies in the first ten years of marriage that was not due to my lack of knowledge of birth control for I had been on six different types of ‘the pill’ and even had an IUD after my first son was born; the pills caused what is called breakthrough bleeding and the IUD ripped my insides and most likely caused the next four pregnancy problems although one doctor did cauterize me. I always wanted two sons and a daughter that is all I ever wanted, but by the third four and half month miscarriage, which took another severe toll on my body with hemorrhaging, and so I gave in to the only type of birth control that would be permanent and at the tender age of thirty-one I opted for having my tubes tied, a tubal ligation, a final irreversible way to not have anymore pregnancies. Sadly my mother passed away within months after that final step and I was miserable for I would have loved another child to name for her.

Clearing the air feels so wonderful, and I hope that we as women in this twenty-first century could and should feel able to talk about anything without anyone telling us that we shouldn’t!

Only one woman in memory was willing to discuss these traumas that I went through in peculiar shame of the times and oddly enough it was an octogenarian who had been through it herself, my Hubby’s grandmother who confided in me of her own miscarriage before she had either of her two children.

What has happened to us as a people when we can’t discuss these things of utmost frailty and importance to us as human beings; I thought we were truly in this together, are we not?

That is why when everyone out there is talking about their grand’s and children’s spouses I feel sad and sorrowfully stupidly jealous, for that was in my plan and unfortunately none has come to pass….
And I fear that I may never see that day.

Sorry for this sadness but my heart aches at this time of year for family and we are short in that arena.

But please remember to count your own blessings and to share your overages and we will too!

And next time be here or be square, OK?
I need all of you; for you are my abstract family.

Seeing is not my strong ability tonight

Okay! Does anyone know where the mic is on this thing? Any-who, today was quiet once again! Yay and congratulations to Nikki Fried Miam...