Monday, September 13, 2010


Renew, re-vanquish… redo… renown…rebuild…

How many do-overs does one get in life?

I hope my cat-like existence has not used up hers.

Last night was a sad reminder of my own vulnerability.

And sadly an embarrassment to me and to any and all who felt that it was a waste of time for them to read about me in that nasty climate.

Many thanks go out to those who responded with loving concern at my own selfish self indulgent childish behavior, and you know who you are.

My only redeemable answer to that hopefully forgettable incident is that I too am very human with the frailties that we all exhibit occasionally.

I have been called tough as nails by some.

The word that rhymes with witch by others, but very rarely non capable to deal with the harsh realities of life’s curves that tests ones’ resolve.

I have always been the one that takes the bull by the horns whenever a problem arises, not the one that folds and leaves the play-yard.

As you may have guessed by now that I am angry at myself for letting me herald my insecurities so publicly.

Pain is not something that anyone of you have not experienced for all I know you may be having that excruciating horror going on as you read this Blog, either physical or emotional.

What a tremendous ability of self control if that is the case.

My brain filters have been off for most of my life and so this stream/train of conscientiousness ability to write and speak in this way is odd to many, but not to me.

I too am experiencing physical pain as well tonight with the other (emotional) that I think I am maintaining in check for the evening, at least I hope so...

This is ongoing and not unusual with people like me, but the secret is trying to control those irritants that cause one to notice, since most pain medication either doesn’t work I have found or that I am allergic to; and so I have experimented with using Lamaze and self hypnosis.

And I must admit that sometimes they do work.

Everyone must try by trial and error what works for them.

After all I do take seven other prescriptions from everything for my MS to blood pressure to heart and cholesterol.

So enough is enough, right?

Sadly, I was disappointed to find so few actually responded to my melt-down.
You would think with advent of over one thousand FB friends my percentages would have been higher.

Oddly enough I proved a viable lesson to myself that all those FB people that we euphemistically call our friends are truly just acquaintances, and that is what I have been saying all along.

No news there, huh?

Of course not, what could I be thinking that others have time for any of this nonsense.

I am one of probably a few who maintains that not working at the age of sixty means that you are retired.

Living with a disability means that your Golden Years aren’t what you had thought they might be.

But you know the funny thing about that… I never ever thought about my Golden Years like most do on this Facebook thing and who are all preparing for them to be the better part of their lives that they are now working so hard to give to themselves when they have no real idea how they might be when ready to stop what they are doing?

I hope they will be the healthiest ever, but as Ted Kennedy proved money can’t buy your health.

Some I think are spinning as fast as they can and not smelling the roses or what already exists for them.

A few I would like to shake and tell them their children will grow up and leave and then what?
Who can give that time back to them that they lost?

I don’t know what to say but I sure hope that all those wonderful hard working people can remember that family is the most important thing, not money; it’s time that is spent with the one you love, not what you buy them.

Is that too preachy, perhaps so, but I was one time one of you and here I am basically a very lonely sick human being.

I must really believe that I am giving you all fair warning; never forget your priorities, family first.

I believe my downfall was when my parents died that I thought my sons needed more than what they really did materialistically, I was still in my thirties then, no excuse.

On that provocative thought to mull over I will wish you once more a Happy Night and to please count those blessings twice since I missed telling you last night, and we will too, I think… yea, OK!

X-rayed and MRI'd

No results yet, ha! (3-5 business days.) The furry kids stayed home ( first time since my night visit to the hospital) and Hubby dropped m...