Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Black hole or third world country?

Come on over to my dark side of life…
Hellish is the only way to describe my day!
Have you ever felt as if you were constantly trying to bang your head against the wall?
Not literally, but figuratively, although the feelings are not that much different.
I definitely feel as if I went through the mill today!
I spent it not unconnected to my cell or my house phone for any short period of time, for I was on a mission.
My objective was the same all day, to try and find someone to help me resolve my need to get the infusion of my IV of 1000 MG Solu-Medrol paid for or at the very least discounted and affordable.
But, I was either way too wealthy for such help or not trying hard enough?
Financial questions all day long…
Was I on food stamps? No.
Was I on Medicaid? No.
Are you married? Yes.
Do you have a pension? No, but my husband does.
Do you have Social Security? No, but my husband does.
Do you have Medicare? No, but my husband does.
Do you own or rent? We own.
We have running water, indoor plumbing and even electric that they expect to be paid for so we indulge them and do it as they request.
We do like to eat and have some prescriptions too! LOL
What are your monthly expenses? Medical payments to the hospital and for my surgery last January; most of the rest I will keep private; sorry folks! But some things are sacred, but I did tell them.
Well, then you should have such and such left at the end of the month.
But the air-conditioner broke and we had to fix it, and the water heater also went and that had to be replaced, and the flood needed to be cleaned up.
Well, that’s just the cost of home ownership, so they say.
Duh, yeah thanks for telling me, since this is our fifth home in forty years of marriage!
Why if you didn’t say that how would I have known, gosh, Geez oh mighty!

Whenever we get that money set aside something like the above happens or then I get sick needing medical intervention.
And no I am not on disability I goofed thirteen years ago and will pay for it the rest of my life, all right?
Yes, I have tried several times but they said N-O!!!!!
No I don’t have insurance, yes I tried with several notable healthcare companies but for the last time I AM PRE-EXISTING!!!!!! And COBRA wanted $1200 a month when my Hubby became disabled nearly four years ago!
And the insurance companies don’t want me, not even our state system, since they had said that they would take even pre-existing people, but the ‘Catch 22’, is that you have to be HEALTHY for at least two years!
And no, sadly I have NOT been!
Fifteen hundred dollars to not lose the sight in my right eye?
Sounds like a bargain, but if you don’t have it, it might as well be a million dollars!

Here’s my dark side… why did all those Ophthalmologists go to Afghanistan to help those people; so they could be killed? Sadly, I think not really, but just imagine if…
They had stayed here…
We need that type of altruism here.
So many doctors go abroad to help people, doctors without borders and the like etc.
I do believe they are wonderful decent loving giving unselfish human beings to the fullest extent of what that means.
But folks I know I may get hate mail, but I wouldn’t mind some mail even hate to be true, but why don’t some of these wonderful doctors see the need here for free care or in my case just discounted, huh?
I would pay, but a percentage of what those jacked up insurance prices are.
You see as we all really do know the doctors, hospitals etc. pad those bills and then settle on accepting just percentages, well folks I am here to say, why can’t they just be honest with the under-insured or not insured folks and let us pay the true real amount that the services are actually worth! Why; is that not too logical for them and simple enough?

I cried a bundle with each turn down of my unrelenting desire to maintain the sight in my bum eye, but to no avail. Thus the sensation of head banging against a brick wall…figuratively of course but exhausted from my emotions going all out on this non accomplished trek of trying with all my might to not lose what I do need.
I know an eye’s loss of sight isn’t lethal or not like loosing a limb or my life itself, but it is my ability to see…in the distance, from afar…out there!
And it means one more concession of not having me whole me ever again.
I have lost the ability to walk without an aid, also my balance is basically gone, or to stand for any length of time for my legs will go numb so it is limited now my sight is only half there and only close up?
I’m in my own ‘Black Hole’ of no return, and the third world country I am living in is ….my beloved US of A!
At least the way we treat health matters of those of us who fall between the cracks I do believe at this very moment of no success in helping myself!

SMASH BANG CRACK!!!!
My head is overwhelmed with frustration and deep feelings of not wanting to exist this way! I can no longer stand it! All I want is some help, a hand up; not to buy the fish but to teach me how to fish, so to speak, got that?
Is that too much to ask?

Happy night to all and to all count those blessings and I will too! Or at least I will try.

Speaking My Mind: Which way will the war go?

Speaking My Mind: Which way will the war go? :   My eyesight is going again... in case you missed it... Netanyahu snaps back against growing...