Friday, July 2, 2010

Had a rough night and didn't sleep too well...

And so today was pretty much a no-brainer of nothingness.
Which means in Tobi –speak: In the fact that I didn’t expect too much from myself today and so I really co-operated on that idea front and did basically not a thing; but isn’t that what nothing means?

My TV news and weather friends must think that I slept in because I didn’t go onto Face book until around seven thirty, quite late for me, fivish is more my time.
But the truth is by seven thirty I only had about four hours sleep.
When these sleep problems happen they are wild and wooly!
Not fun at all.
Stress, bad and good seems to have a major effect on this situation, which also causes my relapses that seem to happen way too often lately but fortunately not for too long these last few weeks anyway.
I guess they could be called mini ones.
It usually starts with muscle spasms in not my ordinary places but then in some very ordinary ones like in my feet, you can actually see them contort and contract; they, the muscle spasms, seem to be rampant and then the numbness occurs sporadically too.

Sorry for this bummer tour of duty here of my personal ordeals.
But as I said before this is my life and welcome to it; want to trade?

Some might say, sure, without hesitation, and I am pretty sure that sadly too many have much worse problems.
Why just yesterday one of my friend/cousin’s told me she has a very dear friend who was told that soon she will be going into a hospice situation, the friend that is.
And no one has offered to trade with her!
If only, we could take that away from our loved ones that horrendous prognosis way too soon and much too young with so much yet to accomplish I believe, right?
Morose is not what I wanted for tonight’s topic or thread of my train of consciousness writing I was told that I display here.

Life to us all is way too precious to not give it justice of interpretation of all the whys these things happen to people we care about. We all know our reasoning when we talk to the man/woman upstairs and beg them to change their minds or wheel and deal to not take that valuable irreplaceable dear one. You know that you’ve done it, who hasn’t felt that amount of desperation when confronted with those circumstances?
No one.

Just by our nature of caring beings we cannot let our hearts break if there is a way we can avoid it, but no one knows how to stop that emotion.
I suppose we could all become cold son of guns, huh?
But most of us will though loose that control at some point in our lives whether in the name of our parents or other family members including spouses or in the case of a dear loving friend.
Grief counseling has been beneficial for most anyone who seeks it.
I know I have.
Many feel the need to discuss unfinished business with the one that has passed away, and never ever told them this or that, good or bad.

I had a younger friend years ago who’s Mother was going through the last days of her terminal illness, and she, my friend felt so helpless of what she could do.
And so she asked me, and I said that my Mom had such a massive stroke and was just kept alive by machines for her last eleven and half hours of her life and when she was checked by the doctors they said that she was brain dead when she arrived. My Father had the job of making the decision of when to take her off of life support.
I don’t think even at thirty-one I could have done that, but now I could.
So I told my younger friend that if my Mom was able to talk I would have told her again and again how much I loved her, and ask her our family history more thoroughly and tape her telling me it all for her grandsons my sons.
And that is what my friend did and you know she thanked me after her Mom had passed away, she said whenever she would miss her Mom she would listen to that tape and feel a wee bit better, and she made me feel like I was a help to her. What an unselfish gift she gave me, the great feeling of helping another.
But with technology today I would recommend using that.
This was about fifteen years ago and today it would be so much easier, but don’t tire the person and let them speak with you listening intensely. Only interject with your questions that mean the most to you and them.

I do know what many of you are thinking; this woman wouldn’t let anyone get a word in edgewise, but oh contraire on something as important as this I would be one heck of a GREAT LISTENER.

Something else to ponder but personally I hope you never have to use this information, but we all know that can’t be true, because life and death are the way it is, and there is no cure yet!

So tonight with all my love and open heart I wish you all a very safe, fun, and good weather holiday weekend and tonight a very good night to all and to all count those blessings and we will too!

Speaking My Mind: Which way will the war go?

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