Monday, August 10, 2009

Last night after I left you all...

Last night I decided to take a leap of faith and do something that I had mixed emotions about. Yes, I took the plunge and posted a photo of myself and my spouse (hubby) on my Facebook page. And not without some difficulty so I pleaded for help on my page and my eldest son’s ex-girlfriend, a doll of a person, actually called me and walked me through it, apparently I had been doing it right but I was just being a little too impatient on how long the upload actually took, it seemed like forever to me, ah old age how we change! Amazingly, after her call instantaneously it was there on the screen!

Now I do know what all of you are saying…big deal isn’t that what everyone does?

I suspect, yes, most do, do that, but my PIC was an older one of when I was looking the picture of health and it was only a little over four years ago; in my heart a lie. Hubby does still look the same though.

Unfortunately, if you looked at that picture and tried to find that woman in a crowd and I was in that crowd, you would walk right past me, and think that woman wasn’t there.

Sadly, I have gone down the tubes in my appearance so much so that I am so ashamed of that fact that I refuse to allow anyone to take a picture of me. I know that is silly and vain, but I am a woman who used to pride herself on keeping a healthy well groomed appearance. (PS I am still well groomed when I go out, but in a much larger way. LOL) I also have this horrified feeling that all those people who befriended me due to that appearance were so shallow that I no longer hear from them. (In reality it is me who no longer believes she belongs.) I do know that it is what is inside of you that counts and those people weren’t true friends anyway if they really thought that way. This sounds like high school, but unfortunately the reality is there are more people like who I mentioned than others who really want to know you for your heartfelt interests in others the world or whatever unselfishness you truly have in you. Self absorption seems to be rearing its ugly head tonight and for that I am sorry!

I did receive a reaction to the photo from one old chum the younger brother to my one person who admits she reads this Blog.
I felt I had to explain the photo when he rightfully mistaken that I had held up well over the years…horrors! I felt like the fraud I portrayed in that falsified outdated remnant of my better past. So I explained with TMI (too much information) as the usual me has a habit of doing way too often, and now I have mixed emotions about apologizing for that too, I better let that go…

We are receiving a deluge again tonight; hubby enjoys the no need for watering manually affects the rain has.

On that note of replenishment I will bid you all a good night and to all be safe, and count those blessings and I will too!

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