Saturday, April 25, 2009

Jinx, tolerance and a little bit of this and that

I have been thinking perhaps a little too much lately.
About how I affect others lives in occasionally negative ways.
You know that thing about taking inventory of pluses and minuses in your life well; I have been recalling all of the people I care about in my life and how they being in my life may have changed theirs in a not so good way.
Take my friend from way back, from childhood, when her husband was dying of pancreatic cancer she had a dilemma about divorcing him due to her telling me he had been verbally abusive to her, and yet when she was not physically there for him I felt she was the bad one and told her. Now we are no longer friends.
My other friend who most recently had major surgery the one with the rods to hold her head on, well, when I found out that both my brother and niece had passed away and I wanted her compassion and understanding to discuss it, all she wanted to do was talk about her medical bills piling up, and so I gave up on her. Besides we are both now unable physically to be helping each other.
Next my cousins I didn’t say anything to estrange them but maybe hanging around with me caused them to have bad luck. They had such a charmed happy life in their retirement, going to Europe almost every year and driving cross country in the summers. And now due to a nasty broken hip and a heart attack they are stuck in one place.
Makes a woman take inventory, doesn’t one?
Intellectually I do know that no one has such powers to do so much harm, but I must be some kind of Jinx.

My other cousin far away in another state laughingly said that we have good Karma since we have the same hunky hubbies that we started with all those years ago, and I did agree with her logic.
But what about the other stuff that I mentioned.
And now with my worst dream realized with being hospitalized without insurance I truly wonder if there isn’t a black cloud over me?

Just the other night the news had on about the two things that predict longevity is not smoking and having a lot of friends, well I got half of that.
I quit all the organizations that created friendships due to my inability to take part for one reason or another; in my mind, my logic.

Our neighbor from across the street thought she could shock me tonight on her welcomed visit when she announced that she was gay, but we knew all along and never brought it up.
So there you go again not doing what people expect of you, meaning me.
I believe I did learn something this afternoon though… according to her not all gays are born biologically gay they develop from their environment.
See, now I just thought that was what the far right would say so that people could change, but I’m not that smart.

On that provocative note I will wish you all a good night and to all count those blessings and I will too!

Which way will the war go?

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