Friday, December 26, 2008

Happiness is acceptance

Today was an interesting day.
It started out fairly early at five A.M. due to my loving canine pal Skipper who apparently heard a noise or something that jostled him to the point of letting out a deep growl followed by one staccato bark and it woke me out of a sound sleep. I did investigate and it was most likely a cat or possum in our backyard since our motion detector lights went on, but I checked out our boat on the lift anyway, and it was fine. I can never go back to sleep when awoken in that way.
So as I write tonight at a later than usual nine P.M. I am already quite tired.
Not getting a good night’s sleep has been a constant for some time now.
It frays the nerves and makes one rather emotional and I hate not having any control over my emotions.
This awkward situation has reared its ugly head time and time again but unfortunately too often lately with my cousins who have been visiting ever so slightly more frequently since they have been grounded from their vagabond travels due to injuries.
I truly do love them as if they were sibling’s not just cousins.
And lately I have been giving them a workout at testing them of their unconditional love for me.
It seems that I have fallen into my old habit of not taking criticism well… oh who am I kidding I have never gotten over anyone ever telling me anything good or bad about me or how I do things or what I do.
I try so hard to get all my own problems solved in my own way and time.
It may all stem from the loss of my parents way back in my thirties when I no longer was someone’s child and realized I had to grow up, finally.
And for the last twenty or so years I thought I was doing fairly well, although I have screwed up many times, but failure is good for the soul I thought.
Anyway, I claimed it when it’s mine like we all should.
Socially, I have made amazing strides and have been at times able or capable of dealing with all peoples from every walk of life and under most circumstances cautiously and with care, hardly ever losing my patience, hah another lie!
When I was young, in my twenties and a CB radio was all the rage for semi-Red necks in south Jersey my handle (name) was Patience, because I laughingly had none. We lived in the Pine Barrens, what can I say?
Well, getting back to my unconditionally loving cousins, the retired school teachers I have mentioned before.
They must have had the patience of whoever that one patient person is who they always refer to when speaking of the trait of great patient people; oh that's right Jobe! Anyway, they were both concerned about me mainly because I am enormous.
Bigger than I have ever been in my entire life and they felt that they wanted to help me.
I guess you could say over the years I have become the white woman’s answer to Oprah with my yoyo weight gains and losses thing going on.
And so I do believe that like Oprah has always professed that it starts on the inside your relationship with food for many people, and that it’s not what we are eating but what’s eating us that is the cause of this bad behavior.
But I beg to differ with everyone… you see for me it is different and has been the lack of exercise and my inability to do it with my physical problems, bone on bone, and my much slowed metabolism. I am eating much less than ever before. Activity always made me hungrier.
My cousins do love me and did want to help me but it turned into a fiasco, since I refused both gifts that were brought to me for me; one was a notebook that I can’t write in due to my arthritic thumbs for me it is much gentler on this keyboard than holding any other type of writing implement.
And the other gift was a book about planning to do things that I have never done, ideas to get me to think of new and different things to possibly do.
Gosh, I didn’t think I was so one dimensional; I really thought I had more uniqueness and fortitude to be creative and think out my box of surroundings.
I guess because I no longer travel, which in my younger years I did do I am not as adventurous as I should be.
Well, there I go again not accepting others help or criticism.
In reality I don’t know what to say but I am happy with what I do, do, and I am working now on losing my weight; just today I contacted another health agency explaining my situation, the heart association, which I hope to hear from soon.
So I’m not entirely happy with the status quo either and I refuse to stagnate and allow me to not to do anything! So I continue to search for the proper people to help me. The journey is taking much longer than me of little patience can handle but I won an award for perseverance at the tender age of eighteen and I am determined and very motivated. Full length mirrors will do that, as well as scales.
Regularly I do things to help myself and others, really.
I really do believe where there is a will there is a way!

Good night to all and to all when it’s important enough never ever give up and I won’t either, deal? Deal.

Speaking My Mind: Which way will the war go?

Speaking My Mind: Which way will the war go? :   My eyesight is going again... in case you missed it... Netanyahu snaps back against growing...