Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Interpretations of life in a nano second

I'm not really old enough to make a realistic comment on life, since I hopefully have quite a few years left of it.
If you have been following this Blog you would know that, that won't stop me from trying.
And so thus far it has been complicated.
It had started out pretty good.
Who can complain about growing up in suburban New Jersey, just outside of New York City with all those Broadway shows and Museums within fifteen minutes of your home?
My teen years were mostly fun, but harsh at times...I never really felt like I really belonged to any cliques, I was more of a loner. I would hang out with only one or two good friends.
Sometimes I was too old a soul, being like a Mom to everyone, and at other times I needed reassurance of my self worth from whoever would cooperate and take the time to allow that self indulgence.
Married when not quite 21, and stayed that way all these years.
And with that bond we brought into the world two wonderful sons.

I lost both my parents while still in my thirties.
My Mom was a week from her 71st Birthday when she died from a massive stroke in 11 and ½ hours, when I was 31 years old, 4 ½ months from my 32 birthday.
My Dad was 79 when he died from a brain stem thrombosis, and he hung in miraculously for 5 and a half weeks. I was 35 years old and less than 2 months from my 36th birthday.
Mom was a worrier, and Dad wasn’t.
Mom never smoked, but Dad had.
Mom never had the chance to discuss any regrets.
Dad did have that chance and confessed beautifully with his loving eyes that he had not one single one. Can anyone imagine that?
WOW what a life he led!
And he did.
He had a wonderful sense of humor, and during the depression or from just before in 1926 until after the war he had a little neighborhood grocery.
When the depression was going on and people didn't have enough money for food he would give it away to them.
As I understand it he also gave loans to people that eventually became gifts of money since they couldn't pay it back.
He never told me any of this.
It wasn't until after he died back in 1986, at his funeral that people came up to me to tell me little anecdotes about him, how they loved and respected him and what he had done for them.
What a legacy!
What A MAN!
While I was growing up to me he was the daddy who couldn't be around for my recitals, because he was working, but donated the snacks and drinks for the neighborhood block parties in the summer held at my elementary school.
He would tease me when I would get angry, and make me laugh at my silliness.
Never would he or could he put a bicycle together so I had to teach myself to do it, and I did.
Mom had to hire boys in the neighborhood to mow the lawn or shovel the snow, because Dad was always working, and besides he didn't know how to do those things. My cousins would fix little things around the house; one from each side of the family had that gift.
He would send us to the country for holidays and summer, or to Florida for the winter, but he couldn't come, because he was working.
My father finally sold his last business when I was just 15, and he was 58, oddly enough the same age that I am now.
He tried to retire, and that first summer he took Mom and me on an 8 week trip driving back and forth across the United States of America!
It was wonderful!
And that did make some great memories that I cherish till this day.
But then we were home, and Dad got antsy, he had worked since a young boy, and had his own business since the age of 19. He had put his brother through law school.
His unsettledness led to him bugging Mom, so he went to a temp agency, and took different jobs.
This man delivered false teeth, messages, and then finally settled on a job that eventually became his own, a toll taker on the New Jersey Parkway, which he loved, and again loved him!
He only worked 25 hours a week, which left him time to take care of Mom, and to drive his neighbors to the doctor or grocery or whatever.
That job he held until the year before he died.
Now thinking back and recording this blip in his life, a piece of his time on this planet, now I do realize what he meant and why he said what he did about having no regrets.
It's been 22 years now since he's been gone, and it is my fondest wish to be one smidgen of him.
I do see him in my eldest son with his easy-goingness non perturbed attitude, but neither son has his sense of humor, no one does.
Too bad that is lost.

Sorry for this melancholy time; it must be related to the barometric pressure!
And yes, Hurricane Ike is still heading away from Southwest Florida, unfortunately towards Texas, but is stuck over Cuba at this writing.
That nasty weather is causing us tornado warnings to our south, rain bands, and some winds in the 30 to 50 MPH range.
But my husband with my blessings removed all our window protection today just in time to open the blinds and shades on this dreary day!

Good night to all. Memories are something no one or nothing can take away from you, even a storm.
Have a very pleasant one.

Which way will the war go?

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